The Bachelor Buzz: Week 4
Alright y'all. I think Corinne has officially taken over this season of The Bachelor. I mean, I guess it makes sense because everyone is just so tired of seeing Nick already that the producers desperately needed to bring out the whack in the biggest whack jobs in America. And they brought us Corinne. As much as well all hate her, the girl does make some great television and I think this week definitely solidified her a starring role on Bachelor in Paradise.
The Rose Ceremony
Last episode, we ended with Vanessa confronting Nick about the bouncy house situation. She looks him dead in the eye, and asks him if he is looking for a wife or someone to fuck around with. Ouch. Nick must have said the right thing because Vanessa decided to keep her rose after she threatened to give it back.
At the rose ceremony, the girls who are sent home are Christen and Brittany. I wasn't too surprised, but all the other girls seemed shocked Corinne got a rose despite the fact she was dry humping Nick just a couple of hours before. Like, do they not realize that Nick has to experience her "platinum vagine" for himself before he sends her home? C'mon. This is Nick the Ho we are talking about here. He is infamous for getting it in on TV.
The morning after the Rose Ceremony, Chris Harrison walks into the mansion and delivers some super exciting news to the girls. He starts off by announcing that they will be leaving the Bachelor mansion to go galavanting around the world with Nick. Most seasons this means that they will get to go an amazing destination spot, like the Bahamas or somewhere in Europe. Naturally, the girls start screaming at this news. Chris Harrison then announces that they will have to pack up their bags because they will be traveling to...drumroll please...Milwaukee! The girls get up out of their seats and start jumping up and down like Chris Harrison told them they were going to freaking Disneyland on crack. I'm sitting here like, "Where the fuck is Milwaukee?!" I'm sorry, but I think I would rather stay at the Bachelor mansion because at least I can lay out by the pool in the middle of Malibu. But Milwaukee?! Seriously? I literally just had to Goggle how to freaking spell Milwaukee.
Once they arrive somewhere in the middle of America (?), Nick announces that he will be taking Danielle L. on the first one-on-one date. ABC really went all out on this one because Nick gives Danielle the full walking tour of his entire hometown. They go to the bakery and frost some cookies. They sit and talk to his ex-girlfriend they "happened to run into." Then, they go to the park.
I don't really remember what they talked about on their date other than the fact that her parents are divorced. Danielle L. is definitely a front runner, but I was expecting a little more personality oomph from her. She seems like she has her shit together, so maybe she will be a good match for Nick since he is older. I look forward to seeing a little more from her in the upcoming episodes.
Since Nick grew up around farms, he decides he wants to take the girls to a farm and put them to work. Maybe he thought this would bring them all closer, but I don't think the girls were too happy about shoveling cow poop in their designer white jeans and leather jackets. In the real world, if a guy took any one of them to a cow farm on a date, I can guarantee they would not even give him the time of day. But, since they are on The Bachelor, they all put on a happy face and seemed more than eager to shovel cow feces. Jaimi, the bisexual with the bull ring, was quick to volunteer to milk the cow and show off her skills squeezing the cow teats.
Corinne, on the other hand, did not even know what to do with herself. She is so used to her nanny, Raquel, wipe her ass for her that she didn't even know how to feed the cows grass, let alone pick up a shovel. She decides it is best, once again, to dismiss herself from the rest of the group and she sits and pouts on the side of the barn claiming that she hurt her finger and it was a "medical emergency" she "almost had to go to the hospital" for. Then, in her interview, she announces that she just wants sushi. Me too, Corinne. Me too.
Raven, who we haven't seen much of so far, gets the second one-on-one date. She says she was happy she got the first one-on-one date, but I'll give her a pass because she is from Kentucky and maybe doesn't know how to count.
This is Raven's first official date with Nick, and she has the honor of meeting Nick's parents and his little sister, Bella. Again, in the real world, I know I would be running for the hills, but, of course, this just makes Raven feel a little extra special compared to the rest of the girls. Danielle L. is probably pissed since on her date all she got to do was meet the ex.
After the soccer game, Raven, Nick and Bella head over to Skateland. Not much happens here, except Raven and Bella get some much needed girl time over a slice of pepperoni pizza. Raven and Nick hit the rink to show off their skillzzz, and surprisingly they are both quite good!
During the last part of their date, they go to have dinner in the middle of an empty museum sans Bella. Raven talks about how she walked in on her boyfriend with another woman, and that she went full on Carrie Underwood on him. Not that anyone wants or should get cheated on, but it is freaking awesome she beat the crap out of the douchebag with the other girl's stiletto and then got to tell everyone about it on national television. That is goals right there and Raven has some major kudos and street cred in my book. You go Glen Coco!
The Cocktail Party
Up next, Taylor v. Corinne. The entire last segment of the episode is dedicated to Corinne and Taylor duking it out over Corinne's behavior. Taylor, who is a mental health counselor, tries to psychoanalyze Corinne and starts spewing out vocab words like "emotional intelligence" to make herself sound smart. Corinne, who "runs a multi-million dollar company" is super offended by this and claims she is way smarter than everyone thinks. Okkkk.
I'd also like to point out that while Corinne is not talking to Taylor, she finds herself hoarding the hors d'oeuvres and we, once again, receive confirmation that Corinne is, in fact, the female Chad. Chris Harrison, please, pretty pretty please, put them both on Paradise together.
The episode ends with Corinne announcing she is going to punch Taylor in the face.
What were your favorite moments from this week's episode? Who are your front runners?
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