The Bachelor Buzz: Week 5
Alright. So I think I have finally decided that this season of The Bachelor is boring AF. Nick? Boring. The girls? Boring. Except, DolphinShark who only gets airtime during the credits and she is so much better than that. And, Corinne. TBH, we wouldn't have a show if it weren't for Corinne. Hate her, or love her, you have to admit she makes some pretty entertaining television. And I'd like to add that I don't think she is actually as dumb as we think because you have some wit and smarts to come up with those one-liners. Respect, girl.
The Rose Ceremony
Last week, for the 50th time in a row, we were left with a "To Be Continued..." and we picked up right where we left off with Corinne and Taylor duking it out at the cocktail party. I was a little pissed because in last week's preview, they made it seem like there was some sort of physical altercation, but, of course, there wasn't. Damn. I really wanted to see something other than Taylor going on about "emotional intelligence," but it doesn't seem like she has much to say other than spewing out vocabulary terms from a textbook. Corinne, on the other hand, doesn't have much to say other than she "runs a multi-million dollar company."
So we are at the rose ceremony, the poor girls are in skin tight cocktail dresses and high heels, and they have to stand there in the freezing cold. It is so cold that you can see their breath, and all I wonder is how long did they have to freaking stand there while Nick mumbles the names of all the girls getting roses.
Unfortunately, we had to say goodbye to Astrid and Sarah. I think Nick finally realized that Astrid Viall is definitely the worst name of all time. But Sarah? Sarah?! I was actually very upset by this. I was hoping that her lack of airtime throughout the season would mean that she lays low until the very end. I don't get it. How can you send home Sarah before you send home Josephine or bull nose Jaimi? They both make me V uncomfortable. Idk Nick, maybe this is why you are 36 and have had 2 failed proposals on national television.
One-on-One Date: NOLO
After receiving the First Impression Rose, we haven't seen too much of Rachel, so I was glad to see she got the one-on-one date this week. I wasn't glad to see that she got a crappy date. By this time, Nick & Co. have made it down to New Orleans, so he gives her the one day tourist breakdown of Bourbon Street.
First, they go to some sort of flea market where Nick tells her that he is going to buy her a bunch of stuff, like an alligator head. Dude, maybe it would be sorta sweet if you were spending your own money so she can go on a little shopping spree. But we all know Chris Harrison slipped you some cash and you ain't paying for any of that. Anyways, Rachel seems to like this idea and they make out in the middle of the crowded rows of people.
Next, they find themselves dancing in a little jazz street parade and we got to see that Rachel's got moves! Dang, girl! It was no coincidence that they paraded right in front of the hotel where the girls were staying, so they all just stood longingly out the window with jealousy spewing out of their ears. After they were tired of dancing on the street, Nick and Rachel went inside to dance some more at a jazz bar. My boyfriend (yes, he watches the show) pointed out that the singer looked an awful lot like Rhonda Rousey. Is that what she is doing now that her career is officially over?
For the last part of the date, Nick and Rachel have dinner in a float warehouse. Kinda creepy in a weird way? Honestly guys, I have no idea what they talked about. I was too busy focusing on how Nick talks without moving his teeth. Rachel got the date rose.
Group Date: The Conjuring
For the group date, Nick and the ladies go to an old plantation that is supposedly one of the most haunted places in the United States. I'd like to think that the White House is at the top of that list now that He Who Must Not Be Named lives there, but I guess he is not a ghost....yet.
Anyways, when the girls realize what they are doing for their date, half of them are excited and half of them are freaking the F out. If I was there, I would probably start crying considering I can't even get through a 30 second scary movie preview without covering my eyes. A creepy looking man named "Boo" gives them a tour of the house explaining to them that a little girl named May died there from yellow fever. She apparently continues to haunt the house because she wants her doll or something like that.
Throughout the duration of the date, Nick and the girls play with a Oujia board and explore the house. They taunt May by touching things in the house they are not supposed to touch, so she gets mad and makes weird things happen like moving the bookshelf or making the chandelier fall. Now, TBH guys, I am actually freaking myself out as I am writing this just thinking about haunted things. So, I'm going to peace out on writing any more on this part of the date. #sorrynotsorry
Two-on-One Date: Corinne v. Taylor Part 2
Since we haven't seen enough of Corinne and Taylor hating on each other, the two lovely ladies are chosen to go on the dreaded two-on-one date where "two girls, one rose, one stays, one goes."
Nick takes them on an oh so romantic boat ride through some swamp lands, and then they walk through what is probably a mosquito infested forest. In the middle of the jungle, they meet a tribe of spiritual healers of some sort. I'm not really sure. But as the three of them sit down for their tarot card reading, the woman tells them that there is a lot of tension in the air. Now I'm pretty sure ABC hired an actress instead of a real tarot card reader, but for the sake of the recap, she tells Taylor that she is in a toxic situation and to rise above it. She tells Corinne that she has a strong voice, but that her words may get her in trouble. Corinne doesn't really seem to give a damn about the reading because at the end she asked, "Can you make a voodoo doll specific to a person?"
While the girls are each getting their card readings, Nick uses the time to speak to each of the girls individually. Surprisingly, Corinne actually has a conversation with him instead of molesting him. She explains to him that Taylor emotionally attacked her, bullied her, and called her stupid. It turns into a game of "he said, she said" and ultimately Nick decided to give Corinne the rose and send Taylor home.
Corinne and Nick take the boat back to society while leaving Taylor to make friends with the voodoo tribe. She suddenly realizes that she can't leave without speaking her mind, so she creepily stalks Nick and Corinne at dinner so she can explain herself to Nick. Once again, ABC leaves us with a "To Be Continued..." so, 'til next time folks!